Yesterday two little neighborhood girls, 8 years old, that I know very very well, as well as their parents, came to my door collecting for the American Heart Association. Because it's one of my favorite charities (close to my heart as I've lost so many relatives, including my dad, to heart disease), I jumped at the chance to contribute. I asked them in but they said, "No thanks. We're not allowed to go into houses." I was so impressed!!! I didn't question it at all. I told them I'd be right back and closed the door on them so the dog couldn't escape. It was cold. They could have warmed up a bit. But they didn't. They stood on the porch chatting with each other and giggling at the dog with his nose pressed up against the door's glass trying to smell them. When I returned and opened the door, they were smiling at me. I told them how impressed and proud I was of them for practicing such safety rules. One is a police officer's daughter and she smiled and nodded and the other, my dear goofy friend's daughter, smiled and said, "my mama didn't raise no fool!" No. No she didn't!
I remember going door to door with Unicef or Girl Scout Cookies or even Trick-or-Treating all by myself way back when. I remember not worrying even slightly that I could be in danger...unless it was dark; if it was dark I'd be afraid not of a bad person, but of a werewolf or ghost. I remember going to the public restrooms alone and never thinking I'd meet someone unsafe who could and wanted to harm me. Not because my parents never taught me not to talk to strangers; they did. But didn't they just mean the ones who offered me candy from their car window? Bad stuff only happened in big cities...like the guy from the Covenant House told us about when I was in 6th grade.
Looking back, that naivete of both parents and children was dangerous and could have and did get children in trouble. Our parents weren't careless with us, they were just raising us the way they were raised. Yes, you'd hear of kids having gone missing, see their pictures on milk cartons or bill boards, but it didn't run rampant. It certainly wasn't commonplace as it seems to be now...at least not by comparison.
So what do we do? Do we not let them use a PC unsupervised? Probably a good idea. Do we not let them use a public restroom alone until they're a teenager? Again, probably the way to go. Do we not let them go door to door without a trusted adult or a buddy system in place? Definitely. Even if we know our neighbors, like the two girls who came to my door knew me, these children need to be taught to be wary of everyone unless they are with a parent or trusted adult. Was I insulted that they didn't come in? Did I try to convince them that it was safe and they'd be better off coming in out of the cold? No. Could and would someone else do this? Yes. Could it result in horror? Yes. Case in point, Megan Kanka. She didn't live in a busy city. She wasn't lost in a crowded mall or park. She wasn't approached by a stranger. She was raped and killed by a man across the street who was, unbeknownst to her family, a known child molester. At one time, though, before he was caught molesting his first victim, he was an UN-known child molester.
I know this is a bit off my regular genre of writing, but I was so affected by these two neighbor girls I've not been able to stop thinking about them. Not imagining horrific things happening to them or to my children, but loving the fact that their parents have taught them well. They've put their own innocent childhood experiences and lack of fear aside and given them the knowledge of how to make sure they don't put themselves in harm's way. They've done it without instilling so much fear in them that they don't want to collect for charities or sell cookies or trick-or-treat. They have done their best and so far, so good. Kudos!!
The older my children get, the harder the teaching gets. The harder it becomes to choose the right approach and the right words to get my point across without scaring them. I know Gene and I will do our best to do this and pray our best will be enough. I know, too, that we are not alone and that there is a network of parents and people out there just like us to whom we can turn for guidance...thank God!!
As my mom has said, "Sometimes I feel like I'm on another planet the world has changed so much!" And as I've said in reply, "Then you have to try and change with it." Now I have to practice what I preach!!
Stay safe all, and keep the kids even safer!!
~Eileen Cassidy Bishop
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