Why Do They Call a Banana Peel a Banana Peel?

I get odd questions thrown at me daily.  Some of them I can answer (which always impresses me!) but many, like why they call a banana peel a banana peel, I am simply at a loss.  That's the question I got last night as I was leaving Leo's room after saying goodnight.  I know part of it is a stall tactic but I honestly believe, in his ever-churning mind, he's been mulling this over and truly wants to know!  I just stood there for a second, in the dark, and finally gave a little laugh and as I was closing his door behind me, told him he was a nutjob.  Wrong?  Probably.  But answer me this:  Why DO they call a banana peel a banana peel?  I mean, okay, I know "peel" is another word for "skin" and that would have worked (in all honesty I didn't think of this until I left his room) but it's so boring an answer, isn't it?  Besides, if I had thought of it and answered when he asked, it would have become a thing; Why do they call it a skin?  Protect it from what?  What kind of bugs?  Where do they grow the bananas?  Isn't Florida in the tropics?  Doesn't Nana have a banana tree?  When are we going to see Nana again?  Are we going to Disney?  Aren't we going for Cathy's birthday?  ...and the banana peel mystery would be solved and dismissed in virtually the same instant! 

  

As they age, the kids, especially Leo, can sometimes answer their own questions.  "Mom, what do we evolve from? Oh, wait, Adam and Eve...duh!"  I say, "Welllll...." and decide I've dodged that bullet and don't have the time or desire to go into the Jesus Fish with legs theory!  He's not yet 8; he can wait for that viewpoint until he's old enough not to give me that blank stare.  Or "How does Jewel make herself purr?"  Um...and off I run (covertly, of course) to Google "cat purr reflex"; and if that can't help me, I just start praying he'll forget he asked me.  Sometimes, I can simply tell him I don't know and that we'll Google it together later but because so much is running through his head we usually forget to look it up.  It definitely depends on the depth of the question as to how long it remains in the forefront of his thinking.  Example:  I can bet he won't ask about the banana peel again...at least not until eating his next banana triggers it!  But then I'll be ready!!

The other day we were watching the tail end of a Veronica's Closet rerun waiting for a kid-appropriate show to start and at the end, one of the guys blurts out, "I'm gay!" and there was gasping and crying from the cast members  (I should mention he was actually on the alter about to marry a woman...but I digress).  Cathy asked what "gay" meant and I simply said, "It's when boys like boys and girls like girls."  Gene put his head in his hands and asked me what I'd started.  But what can you do?  Yes, there were bug-eyed looks from both Leo and Cat and I had to go a bit deeper (but not too much) about how some people are made that way just like "you're made the way you're made."  They were satisfied with that answer.  I'm guessing without having grown up with the taboo of homosexuality (at least to the degree we were) it made sense.  More sense than how babies are born.  That's another one I decided I should err on the side of honesty that when asked, I told them.  Up until then babies were cut out of the mom's belly but then they heard me say that I only pushed twice with Cathy before she came out...another example of why you should do a quick look around before speaking!  "Where do they come out?" Uh-oh! "There's a hole down there (pointing to the nether regions)." ...processing... processing ..."YOU POOP THEM OUT?!" Another heavy sigh, "No.  That's not where they come out; there's another hole."  Holy crap what have I done?!?!?!?  "Oh.  But I bet it looks like you're poopin' em out!!" An explosion of laughter with "poop them out" being repeated until I finally just left the room berating myself.  This went on until I came back glaringly announcing that "that is eeeeeenough!"  I had to work very hard at not cracking a smile myself!!

So I'm thinking as long as I have Google or can BS or at least be vague enough to get satisfaction without too much depth (depending on the question, of course!  I mean, banana peels I can handle easy-peasy), and can tolerate the inappropriate giggling from time to time, I should be okay, right?  This will be practice for the really scary and hard questions that come later...

....right?!

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop

Wake up!!!

I've decided to start lying to my kids on Saturday nights...not while they're conscious; no, that won't work.  It must be done while they're in REM sleep...very softly in their ears I'll whisper, "School tomorrow...bright and early...wonder what you'll learn...".  I figure if they think they have to get up for school the next day, they'll actually sleep past 7:00!

Monday through Friday, waking my kids for school, especially THE BOY, is awful!  Cathy can't understand why her 6:30am alarm goes off in the middle of the night---"It's too dark to be morning!!" and Leo often opts for 30 more minutes of sleep over getting up for 30 minutes of snuggling in front of the t.v. (which actually kind of bums me out as it's my favorite time with them)  At 7am, when the t.v. snuggling is up or extra sleep is over, getting them moving is a major chore.  They're grumpy, sluggish, and whiny; in other words, CREEPS!

Then there's the weekend.  We're lucky if they sleep past 6:30.  I leave the house every Saturday morning at 6:45 for a 7am workout and I've spoken to at least one of them before I go!  Sundays are slightly better.  My theory there is that since they have CCD (Catholic lingo for Religious Education classes) for an hour before Church, that kind of constitutes 'school' in their sleepy brains.  We can usually sleep in until 7-7:30 on Sundays!  Whoo-hoo, we'll take it!!  When on a weekday it's like pulling teeth to get them out of bed (theirs or ours), they're bouncing off the walls begging to go downstairs on the weekend!

I think it's amazing how their minds work.  They wake as early as they can to get as many minutes possible from the weekend yet will whine by mid-morning about being bored (that is when they don't have soccer or gymnastics or ice-skating or baseball or or or...)!  I guess it's just the pleasure of not having to do anything academic or in uniformed unison; that they can lounge on the couch, draw pictures, play with Lego's or the computer for a while and just go at their own pace.  Unlike their parents, they don't have To-Do Lists floating around in their frontal lobes ruining their day before it even begins!  Lucky, lucky kids.  I guess sometimes ignorance IS bliss!!

I suppose in 10 years I'll be complaining that they sleep until noon and then just lounge on the couch texting or chatting on the computer, right?  I'll look back on the 6:30 snuggle time and wish it could be that way again; that they will want to get as much out of the weekend as they can...maybe even spend some of it with their parents.  Like I do from time to time when I look at their growing bodies and minds, I'll be shocked by the speedy passage of time and grow melancholy and audibly sigh a few times before tucking the memories away.  It's always so much sweeter in hindsight, isn't it?  You don't remember the lack of sleep on a weekend morning; you remember waking to the little silhouette of a child standing at your bedside at 6am wanting nothing more than to snuggle into your arms for a while.

{audible sigh}

{audible sigh}

Oh hell, maybe I won't lie to them after all!

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop

Meow!!

How do you see yourself?  Is it different from the way others see you?  Are you thin but think you're not?  Are you ugly but think you're hot?  Do you see yourself as an available confidante yet your friends see you as a nosy gossip monger?  

How many times have we caught ourselves saying to either ourselves or our fellow she-cats, "What the hell was she thinking with that _______?!" (insert outfit, hair, make-up, nail polish color...etc. here!)  Or on a better level, "How can she not see how totally fabulous she looks?!"  How many times have you been in a clothing store and see something so hideous you wonder who in God's name would sport such an outfit?  Unbeknownst to you, 10 minutes later, up walks said 'who' and believe it or not, she makes it work, go figure!  I have a friend who's tag line when complimenting (sorta) is "that's pretty! Not for me, but still...pretty!"  Um, thanks?

I see my 6 year old daughter come down from her room in some really frightening outfit and stifle with every fiber of my being, the urge to either laugh or scream.  Usually I'll say it's either very cool or interesting.  I always say she looks beautiful (not really an endorsement for the outfit) and that she's very creative.  The proud smile on her face makes the heartburn totally worth it!  We do have a deal though; church and dinner out in a halfway decent restaurant must be attended wearing a mutually agreed upon and sometimes boring outfit.  School is a uniform so I get a pass there.  The rest of the time she can let her freak flag fly.  Sometimes she's all in one shade of one color, sometimes one color with many shades...none of which go together, sometimes it's a Christmas dress with chiffon and tulle along with pink leggings and Barbie rainboots.  Freak flag flyin'!

But she thinks, no, she knows, she looks fantastic!  I'd give big money to have that kind of confidence in myself! I hope this self-confidence lasts but it probably won't.  At least not without a sabbatical during the pubescent years.  That's when all the she-cats start sharpening their claws on their fellow felines.  Hopefully she'll come out relatively unscathed or perhaps more importantly, without too much blood under her own nails!  Hopefully the same beautiful, fashion-conscious babe will be gazing back at her through her mirror for her entire life.  I just hope it's a mirror that tells the truth; not the kind that squints at her and tells her what she wants to hear or the kind that sneers at her and validates all of her imaginary flaws.  There are a LOT of those mirrors around....especially in teenagers' rooms.  Maybe that's where a subtle motherly correction or observation will keep the mirror honest so when she grows up and becomes a woman sharing a giant litter box, she'll be the subject of positive gossip as opposed to the "what the hell" gossip.

But I need to step in with caution; with sensitivity to her feelings.  I can't say to her, as my father said to me when I was 16 sporting spandex pants, "You look like 10 lb sausage in 5 lb wrapping."  Ahem.  NOT a confidence building observation!  Or my mom's famous line, "I don't care what the other girls are wearing! You're not shaped the same way."  Um, what?!

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop