I've been cleaning closets and drawers, purging, tossing, giving away, selling (actually, not selling; that's a hassle) in an effort to try and make my daily life a bit easier and calmer. It's working too. I have really culled down quite a bit, I mean, who needs six frying pans if you don't have your own cooking show? Or enough serving dishes to have a cocktail party for 100 unless you're lobbying for votes? Or more jeans that Levy Strauss Inc. and more dresses and skirts and sweaters and blouses than the Dress Barn? Don't get me wrong; the wardrobe is still pretty stocked! Crazy part is, I usually wear the same four or five tops and bottoms all the time!
Why is my closet filled with things that no longer fit my body or my style? Why do I have skirts taking up space that will NEVER make it past my hips and haven't since the '90's? Why do I have so many pots and pans in my kitchen and basement I could open a restaurant supply store? Thanks to my stint with Pampered Chef, I have two shelves in my basement filled with UNOPENED boxes! Why? I'll never, ever, ever use the mini bundt cake stoneware nor bake enough cookies at one time to need six cooling racks...SIX!! NEVER!!
It was actually kind of liberating, though kind of sad, donating quite a bit of things including four pair of boots that were either no longer my style, or too painful to wear for longer than 20 minutes, or all of the above. I freed up room in my closet while hopefully giving someone the opportunity to have something that they otherwise wouldn't have. I have a friend newly single trying to stock her kitchen so it's been nice being able to give her some things here and there and keeping her from having to spend the money buying new. Heck, mine are barely-used-like-new anyway! There truly is some truth in the giving is better than the receiving, honestly.
I think one of my biggest problems causing my almost-hoarding status is my love of shiny new pennies. I am the one who falls victim to the racks strategically placed in the middle of the aisle at the department store or the must-have little do-dads placed at the end of the cashier lane that you buy because you've been staring at them for so long while waiting for your turn to check out you've thought of eight reasons why you absolutely have to have them! You skip out of the store thrilled with your new purchases and all the money you saved with coupons. You wear or use them once, maybe twice, then forget about them until the next thing you know you're giving them away and writing about them.
Getting rid of material things really isn't that difficult once you realize the reward of a tidier, more easily handled every day life. But what about the emotional, memorable, or sentimental things? What about the people in your life that don't bring you as much happiness as they do sadness or disappointment who we hold on to simply because we've always had them and couldn't really picture life without them? Admittedly, I'm not the most sentimental girl on the block. I think I used to be as a kid; hanging on to dried up and crusty prom and dance corsages and the invitations that went with them or pictures of old boyfriends. I don't have any of those things anymore unless I'm still friends with the exes and we can pull those pictures out and have a chuckle over them. I do keep hand-written love notes and homemade cards because I can read them or look at them and see someone's heart and renew my gratitude for those authors and artists in my life.
But those things are still material things, aren't they? What about the actual people in our lives? I don't think there's anyone in my life right now that I would want to live without. But I wonder sometimes if maybe I'm too emotionally invested in someone who may not be worthy of what I have to offer. I wonder if I might not be a calmer, more loving and attentive person to those in my life who would truly appreciate anything I have to give them; time, attention, support. Or maybe just presence. Presence for talking, laughing, leaning, loving, or just living in the moment happier than if I hadn't been there to share it with them. Someone who will think of me and smile instead of clench their teeth and stress ever-so slightly at the thought of me. Even though those are the people who could benefit the most by accepting only a portion of what I could give them.
Do I sound a bit like I'm blowing my own horn? Yes, I think I do too. But I know for a fact that for some people, I'm all that and a bag of chips and those people accept what I offer and give back to me tenfold. Those are the people with whom I want to surround myself. And those that don't? Well, depending on the association I have with them I am pretty sure I won't stop trying to offer what I have but will try very hard to accept that they simply may not need therefore want it. Of course I'm hurt and insulted that they don't but maybe those people just can't spread themselves so thin or don't feel they can give back so don't take. Or maybe, like I just said myself, don't feel they're getting from me what they give. Maybe I'm just like those I'm backing away from...at least in the eyes of that person or those people. If that's the case, I hope I care enough to notice and either try harder or realize that it may be for the best...kind of a mutual break-up.
So just like I will continue to look in my closet at all the things I loved enough to buy but really don't serve me anymore and let go of to make room for something else, I will continue to look in my heart at all the people in it and decide how much room they should take up in there and if I might be better off giving them a smidgen less room in case there's someone out there sitting on the rack in the middle of the aisle just waiting for me to take them home.
No comments:
Post a Comment