There's not Always a Tomorrow

This week I wrote out and gave three Mass cards.  In my Catholic faith, it's customary though not required to give a Mass card offering Masses for deceased fellow Catholics. Three. In one week. One for a lovely 95 year old woman who I knew all my life. She was like a second mother right next door.  Another card for the elderly mother of a dear friend.  Lastly, my husband's cousin; a 54 year old man with a wonderful wife, four beautiful boys, and a precious grandson.  I think this one was the hardest.  Yes, people die young all the time and people die suddenly more often than we like, but this was a double whammy.  Tim went in for a ridiculously routine outpatient procedure that should have lasted one hour maximum; so routine that he took a medical transport there so his wife wouldn't have to miss work.  Easy. Thursday before the Sunday his grandson was to be christened he boarded a bus, put his faith in his doctors, and never again regained conciousness.  Just like that, this husband, dad, granddad, brother, uncle, cousin, and friend was gone from this Earth and all the people that loved him.  Blink.  

I attended his wake the other night.  I was lucky enough to get there slightly before it actually started at 7pm.  I say lucky because by 7:30, there were so many people it was like Times Square on New Year's Eve.  The line of visitors was down the hall, out the door, and down the block.  I never saw anything like it.  It was overwhelming to me that this man who I'd known for 30 years as a mellow, funny guy with a wild past, who I loved and whose company I enjoyed, touched hundreds and hundreds of lives so much that they took the time to stand on line for over an hour just to pay respects to him and to his family.  It felt like the wake of a celebrity and the more I listened to the hushed conversations I realized it actually was the wake of a celebrity...a rockstar.  I had no idea how this man's life impacted so many others' lives.  It was remarkable!  He was so unassuming and so "regular".  He was a kind, generous, gregarious, gentle soul wrapped up in a leather exterior; perfect. If you go by his life, God definitely takes the good early because He misses them by His side. God's speed, lovely man!

In all the sadness that was his wake and funeral, Timmy's passing brought together family and friends and coworkers and union brothers (and sisters).  I watched men bear-hug and slap each other on the back and shake their heads in utter disbelief as to why they were brought together.  As did I.

On top of the sadness of his passing, Timmy's death brought family together that hadn't been together since the last death.  Isn't that awful?  People who I love to talk to and love to see and hear about their accomplishments and those of their children I see only in the awfulness of death.  Now THAT is sad.  Why does this happen more often than not?

We are too much consumed by our daily lives.  We are so busy...so much busier than our parents were...that we miss so much.  Of course our children take priority but isn't getting to know their family, extended and immediate, just as important as football or soccer or baseball or swimming?  It would be difficult in my family, and my husband's, to see family every day or weekend or month; we're just too big!  But could there be a happy medium?  Could we make a point to make time for people we love to see and talk to but rarely do?  Yup. I really think we can...and should.

So let's start small.  Let's start with phone calls.  Cawl me...we'll tawk and in the meantime, say a prayer for those gone too soon...it's always too soon...and to the loved ones left behind.

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop

This week I wrote out and gave three Mass cards.  In my Catholic faith, it's customary though not required to give a Mass card offering Masses for deceased fellow Catholics. Three. In one week. One for a lovely 95 year old woman who I knew all my life. She was like a second mother right next door.  Another card for the elderly mother of a dear friend.  Lastly, my husband's cousin; a 54 year old man with a wonderful wife, four beautiful boys, and a precious grandson.  I think this one was the hardest.  Yes, people die young all the time and people die suddenly more often than we like, but this was a double whammy.  Tim went in for a ridiculously routine outpatient procedure that should have lasted one hour maximum; so routine that he took a medical transport there so his wife wouldn't have to miss work.  Easy. Thursday before the Sunday his grandson was to be christened he boarded a bus, put his faith in his doctors, and never again regained conciousness.  Just like that, this husband, dad, granddad, brother, uncle, cousin, and friend was gone from this Earth and all the people that loved him.  Blink.  

I attended his wake the other night.  I was lucky enough to get there slightly before it actually started at 7pm.  I say lucky because by 7:30, there were so many people it was like Times Square on New Year's Eve.  The line of visitors was down the hall, out the door, and down the block.  I never saw anything like it.  It was overwhelming to me that this man who I'd known for 30 years as a mellow, funny guy with a wild past, who I loved and whose company I enjoyed, touched hundreds and hundreds of lives so much that they took the time to stand on line for over an hour just to pay respects to him and to his family.  It felt like the wake of a celebrity and the more I listened to the hushed conversations I realized it actually was the wake of a celebrity...a rockstar.  I had no idea how this man's life impacted so many others' lives.  It was remarkable!  He was so unassuming and so "regular".  He was a kind, generous, gregarious, gentle soul wrapped up in a leather exterior; perfect. If you go by his life, God definitely takes the good early because He misses them by His side. God's speed, lovely man!

In all the sadness that was his wake and funeral, Timmy's passing brought together family and friends and coworkers and union brothers (and sisters).  I watched men bear-hug and slap each other on the back and shake their heads in utter disbelief as to why they were brought together.  As did I.

On top of the sadness of his passing, Timmy's death brought family together that hadn't been together since the last death.  Isn't that awful?  People who I love to talk to and love to see and hear about their accomplishments and those of their children I see only in the awfulness of death.  Now THAT is sad.  Why does this happen more often than not?

We are too much consumed by our daily lives.  We are so busy...so much busier than our parents were...that we miss so much.  Of course our children take priority but isn't getting to know their family, extended and immediate, just as important as football or soccer or baseball or swimming?  It would be difficult in my family, and my husband's, to see family every day or weekend or month; we're just too big!  But could there be a happy medium?  Could we make a point to make time for people we love to see and talk to but rarely do?  Yup. I really think we can...and should.

So let's start small.  Let's start with phone calls.  Cawl me...we'll tawk and in the meantime, say a prayer for those gone too soon...it's always too soon...and to the loved ones left behind.

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop

Blessed be the Mother

I wrote this for my church bulletin in commemoration of  Mother's Day 2016.  Keep in mind it was for the church bulletin when reading the "religious references".  Happy Mother's Day to all those beautiful mothers out there! :)

The noun mother, by definition, is “a woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth”.  Everyone has or had a mother to whom they were borne.  It is impossible to enter this world without one.  It’s impossible to even have a heartbeat without one…or a heart for that matter!  And to that end, biologically speaking, virtually every woman can be a mother. That is to say, she is anatomically able to reproduce and give birth.  The verb mother, by definition, is “to bring up a child with care and affection”.  To make the conscious decision to dedicate one’s life to helping and teaching a helpless creature to become the best they can be in life.  It is quite possible to be a mother who does not mother, e.g. guppies.  Guppy mothers eat their babies; not the most nurturing environment!  

Possible too, is mothering without giving birth to a child.  How many of us know a woman or women who have loved us and nurtured us as though we were their own child?  Women who have never had the experience of childbirth yet love a child or children in their care as though they felt every contraction of labor.  The blessed women who adopt to ensure a good life for that child filled with love and affection.  Is that child flesh of their flesh? No, but he is heart of her heart and his love for her, because of her mothering, is unconditional.

Since becoming a mother I see so clearly now that mothering is not always easy and rewarding.  Sometimes it can be hard and disappointing. My usual self-confident nature is questioned and tested almost daily; as is my patience and compassion. I share this with my mother and she nods empathetically because it’s all too familiar to her. She went through it all (seven times) and understands my frustration.  She gently reminds me of their attributes and tells me of the joy and pride I’ll feel when someday too soon I will watch my children succeed as adults who are ready to take on the world. In only the way a mother can, she picks me up, brushes me off, and sends me back in.

So on this celebration of Mother’s Day, we celebrate the woman who gave birth to you or took you from a lesser life and with the Grace of God, spent or will continue to spend the rest of her life until her dying day, caring, nurturing, worrying, supporting, and loving you.  The woman who taught us how to speak, how to hold a fork, how to take our first steps, and how to pick ourselves up when we fell.  The woman who gave us pep talks to lift us up and whose sometimes brutal honesty kept us grounded.  We celebrate this woman who bought us to church and taught us about Christ and Adam and Eve and the Holy Spirit; about Noah and Job and Sts. Peter and Paul.  This woman who lovingly molded us into the person we are today.  She wasn’t perfect.  She made mistakes and not-so-great decisions.  She yelled and maybe even, Heaven forbid, spanked.  She punished, grounded, muttered under her breath about your behavior.  Sometimes her words stung.  Sometimes she realized this and swallowed her pride to apologize to you because she sees she’s hurt you and your pain is her pain.

Those of us blessed with a mother still gracing this Earth must cherish every moment with her.  Perhaps not every moment will be joyous and fun; perhaps even upsetting and frustrating but should be cherished just the same.  She’ll be gone someday, and if her prayers are answered, long before you follow and the opportunity to be with her gone along with her.  Those who’ve lost her already must remember only the wonder that she was.  Forget the cross words said in anger or the swat given in frustration.  Remember that like our Blessed Mother Mary, the woman who raised you accepted that task not as a burden, but as a gift from God. 

Deacon Ron ends every liturgy with “Go in peace glorifying God with your life.”  This Mother’s Day, glorify God with your love for the woman hand-picked by Him to be your mother.

Happy Mother’s Day, 2016 to all of the mothers within our Sts. Francis and Clare family and may the Lord bless you and keep you.      

 ~ Eileen Cassidy Bishop

Working Girl

Here's a question:  Does everyone get the emails that read "Moms! You can work from home and earn up to $10,000 a week!" I mean, I get INUNDATED with them! How do they know I'm a housemom? Is it based on the times of day or the frequency of my Facebook posts? Maybe.  That's why I'm curious if anyone who posts midday more than once or twice gets targeted.  And is it just assumed that stay-at-home moms are bored and have so much time on their hands they need a filler?  Probably by some.  And there certainly are moms out there who are but I'm guessing that in order to earn $10,000 a week you're probably working constantly as opposed to filling in the tedious times.

The funny part is I'm probably busier than I was with two babies 15 months apart toddling around and even before that, when I was selling staffing services and commuting four hours roundtrip three days a week! The only difference is now I can pee with the door closed, choose to stay in my jammies past 7:00 a.m. most days, and choose where, when and for whom I work. I DO work from home already...I am the CEO of Bishop, LP with duties including but not limited to bookkeeping, cooking and cleaning, writing, and appointment making for everyone in the company. I am available for my mom to take to her appointments and do miscellaneous tasks. On top of that I am a volunteer court mediator two or three days a week spending my mornings gathering some juicy stories for cocktail party fodder and hopefully settling cases filed in various courts.  This one is actually my favorite because I get to actually see and talk to people during working and school hours!

But that's only a few times a week and I'm usually done by noon.  I can't (and won't) clean my house everyday or go shopping everyday.  I'm not sure I have enough creative juices to write everyday or work on crafts and such.  I'm a relatively intelligent woman and sometimes feel I really should be doing something more; especially now that the kids are in middle school. But I don't want to have  to go to work.  I don't want to be torn between getting to work or staying home with my sick child or having to leave work early for appointments or picking up said sick kids from school early.  Or being there when and if my mom needs me.  Of course, if I had to, I would and will if there is the financial need or I can't stand being along with my own self any longer, God forbid.  And I will simply have to deal with these excuses just like every working person does.  But for now I will keep status quo.

There is, though, one thing that has bothered me since my last day or work back in 2003 (yes, I wrote that right!) is not having my own money. Gene and I always pooled our income and have from the beginning of our marriage so paying bills and everyday expenses and even treats have always been paid from one account so the change was pretty transparent once we became a one-income household. But it was a real burr in my saddle when it came to getting things for Gene; I hated that he basically bought his own gifts and I just picked them out. It didn't matter than he said I was crazy to think that.  It's what I thought (and still think).  So I solved my problem and got a job!

Yes, I did just say that I wasn't ready to be obligated to anyone to show up on time or at all.  But I fixed that.  I've become self-employed!  Anyone who is a Facebook friend knows that I sell those Jamberry nail wraps that no one has heard of...yet! I work when I want and if I don't want to I don't have to.  I satisfy my social animal by holding home parties (think Tupperware but prettier) and talking to random people who are nice enough to notice and compliment my nails.  I feed my addiction with my own money and have quite a bit left over. If I really wanted to dedicate the time to it, like many of my Jamberry associates, I could make a really good living at it. This year I'm proud to say that although we used house money for the Christmas presents, I used my money to buy Gene his presents...and they were pretty damn nice if I do say so myself!  I know this won't impress many people but if you haven't been reliant on someone else financially as an adult it's hard to understand how important it is to feel even a bit independent.

So for now I'll be a Jamberry consultant prettying the world one nail at a time and ignore those emails about earning money from home up to $10,000 per month (sure).  When and if I'm ready to go out and get a job working for someone else, it will be something that makes me happy because being lucky enough to be a Domestic Goddess, a Jamberry consultant, and being available when someone may need me "right now", makes me happy and I'm not going to give that up for something unless that something makes me equally as happy...and that's a pretty tall order!

In the meantime, ask me about Jamberry and I'll happily fill you in and send you a sample! Hey, it's my blog so I can shamelessly plug my wares!

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop

Decisions...

I've been cleaning closets and drawers, purging, tossing, giving away, selling (actually, not selling; that's a hassle) in an effort to try and make my daily life a bit easier and calmer.  It's working too.  I have really culled down quite a bit, I mean, who needs six frying pans if you don't have your own cooking show?  Or enough serving dishes to have a cocktail party for 100 unless you're lobbying for votes?  Or more jeans that Levy Strauss Inc. and more dresses and skirts and sweaters and blouses than the Dress Barn?  Don't get me wrong; the wardrobe is still pretty stocked!  Crazy part is, I usually wear the same four or five tops and bottoms all the time!

Why is my closet filled with things that no longer fit my body or my style? Why do I have skirts taking up space that will NEVER make it past my hips and haven't since the '90's? Why do I have so many pots and pans in my kitchen and basement I could open a restaurant supply store?  Thanks to my stint with Pampered Chef, I have two shelves in my basement filled with UNOPENED boxes! Why? I'll never, ever, ever use the mini bundt cake stoneware nor bake enough cookies at one time to need six cooling racks...SIX!!  NEVER!!

It was actually kind of liberating, though kind of sad, donating quite a bit of things including four pair of boots that were either no longer my style, or too painful to wear for longer than 20 minutes, or all of the above.  I freed up room in my closet while hopefully giving someone the opportunity to have something that they otherwise wouldn't have.  I have a friend newly single trying to stock her kitchen so it's been nice being able to give her some things here and there and keeping her from having to spend the money buying new.  Heck, mine are barely-used-like-new anyway!  There truly is some truth in the giving is better than the receiving, honestly.

I think one of my biggest problems causing my almost-hoarding status is my love of shiny new pennies. I am the one who falls victim to the racks strategically placed in the middle of the aisle at the department store or the must-have little do-dads placed at the end of the cashier lane that you buy because you've been staring at them for so long while waiting for your turn to check out you've thought of eight reasons why you absolutely have to have them! You skip out of the store thrilled with your new purchases and all the money you saved with coupons. You wear or use them once, maybe twice, then forget about them until the next thing you know you're giving them away and writing about them.

Getting rid of material things really isn't that difficult once you realize the reward of a tidier, more easily handled every day life.  But what about the emotional, memorable, or sentimental things? What about the people in your life that don't bring you as much happiness as they do sadness or disappointment who we hold on to simply because we've always had them and couldn't really picture life without them? Admittedly, I'm not the most sentimental girl on the block.  I think I used to be as a kid; hanging on to dried up and crusty prom and dance corsages and the invitations that went with them or pictures of old boyfriends. I don't have any of those things anymore unless I'm still friends with the exes and we can pull those pictures out and have a chuckle over them. I do keep hand-written love notes and homemade cards because I can read them or look at them and see someone's heart and renew my gratitude for those authors and artists in my life.

But those things are still material things, aren't they?  What about the actual people in our lives?  I don't think there's anyone in my life right now that I would want to live without.  But I wonder sometimes if maybe I'm too emotionally invested in someone who may not be worthy of what I have to offer.  I wonder if I might not be a calmer, more loving and attentive person to those in my life who would truly appreciate anything I have to give them; time, attention, support.  Or maybe just presence.  Presence for talking, laughing, leaning, loving, or just living in the moment happier than if I hadn't been there to share it with them.  Someone who will think of me and smile instead of clench their teeth and stress ever-so slightly at the thought of me.  Even though those are the people who could benefit the most by accepting only a portion of what I could give them.

Do I sound a bit like I'm blowing my own horn?  Yes, I think I do too.  But I know for a fact that for some people, I'm all that and a bag of chips and those people accept what I offer and give back to me tenfold. Those are the people with whom I want to surround myself.  And those that don't? Well, depending on the association I have with them I am pretty sure I won't stop trying to offer what I have but will try very hard to accept that they simply may not need therefore want it. Of course I'm hurt and insulted that they don't but maybe those people just can't spread themselves so thin or don't feel they can give back so don't take. Or maybe, like I just said myself, don't feel they're getting from me what they give. Maybe I'm just like those I'm backing away from...at least in the eyes of that person or those people. If that's the case, I hope I care enough to notice and either try harder or realize that it may be for the best...kind of a mutual break-up.

So just like I will continue to look in my closet at all the things I loved enough to buy but really don't serve me anymore and let go of to make room for something else, I will continue to look in my heart at all the people in it and decide how much room they should take up in there and if I might be better off giving them a smidgen less room in case there's someone out there sitting on the rack in the middle of the aisle just waiting for me to take them home.  

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop