Why Me?

Sit down one afternoon when you've got nothing to do and try to remember how you met all the significant people in your life; your spouse, your BFF, your circle of friends, your worst enemy.  Do you realize that if it weren't for some particular person, some event, some situation, your children, you never would have had the pleasure of knowing those people.  Sometimes I take a moment and thank my friend Jayne and my sister Jeannie who were instrumental in me meeting my husband (sometimes I take a moment and curse them too!)  Or I thank my Board of Education in Sayreville, NJ for putting me in class with my life-long friend before I even knew who she was.  Or my children for getting me involved with people through a moms club or school event or church vacation bible school.  Or a lousy neighborhood situation that would lead to us finding this wonderful house in this lovely town filled with (mostly) great people.  (well, maybe I wouldn't be grateful for that situation but you can see where I'm going with this)

I will be forever grateful for everything that's happened in my life and the people who helped make it happen.  But I can't and don't give them credit for the success of my relationships nor do I blame them for the demise of them.  That's all me; I'm responsible for putting forth the effort to keep the attachments (or not), both physically and emotionally.  I can thank friends and relations who've helped me mellow over the years but congratulate and thank myself for staying mellow.  I can thank my kids for my ever-growing circle of friends, but can't put the blame on them when time passes and I've let the relationship wane.  It's my fault for not making the time even if our kids are growing apart due to interests changing and schedules grow full.

In this world, I've learned, things can change on a dime.  If you don't change with it, than maybe things or people aren't as important to you as they were once.  Maybe you change.  Maybe they change and you don't like the change so you back slowly away.  So slowly at times that you don't even realize you're doing it.  I think it's okay.  I think if you can accept the change and roll with it; make sense of it within your own mind and heart, you will be happier and live longer.

That's what I've been trying to do lately.  There have been lots of twists and turns this past Summer and once incredibly upset and feeling abandoned or dumped,  I now realize it's just the way the world turns; it's the evolution of feelings and views, it's the metamorphosis of the relationship to either a higher level or a lower level of importance and it's okay.  I'm going with the flow.  I'm looking at it as an opportunity to expand my horizons instead of as a punishment and reason to close in on myself.

This is what's working for me.  Me, at this age (over 29 but under 70, as my mother-in-law used to say), dealing with the same things I dealt with as a school-aged kid.  But this time I'm going to use my maturity and my experiences to pull me through instead of lying face-down on my pillow and crying, "Why me?"  And I'll tell you what...it's pretty damn liberating!!!!

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop