I lost someone very dear to me a few days ago. My uncle died suddenly and although he was over 80, not in a million years, when my mom called, did I expect this news. Even as I write this I'm fighting back utter sadness.
I think my sadness is not only because of his death, but because of a collection of things. Eight months ago, I had two wonderful uncles, my Aunt had a husband and a brother, and my mom had two brothers. Maybe it's the finality of it all; other than my brothers, there are no men left from my childhood. My own father passed almost 28 years ago. The second generation of the Gans Clan has no fathers...my uncle was the last. Farewell to the first generation's testosterone, you did well!! Thanks to you and a good Irish Catholic upbringing, there are about a billion of us running around!! I can certainly take some solace from that.
Maybe I'm this upset because I know the older I get the older the adults from my childhood get and I morn for not only the people I've already lost, but for the someday loss of those still living. I try not to dwell on it, but at times like these, I just can't help it. Whenever I mention this to my mother, that I worry about her dying, she always has the same response: "What do you want Eileen? I can't live forever! Heck, I don't want to!!"
But they all can, can't they? They can live on in the funny and wonderful stories we'll tell at family get-togethers and Christmas and Thanksgiving Dinners. We'll tell them with smiles on our faces and a warmth in our hearts.
So thanks for letting me babble. I've convinced myself that we are all, in fact, going to live forever! As long as the testosterone holds out and babies keep being made, we'll all live on in hearts and minds. Some of our stories will become legends and wives tales simply because some of them are so silly, strange, sad, or sweet that they can't have happened. The stories will change slightly over the years, most likely, like the telephone game we played as children but the bones will never change.
So I'll take comfort in knowing that while we're down here, they're up there, laughing and smiling as much as we do and when we leave this world and go to the next, they'll be waiting with outstretched arms to give us the hugs we've missed for so long.
So good-bye, Uncle Gene. I hope the golf courses are well-groomed up there and that your every shot is long and straight!!
