RESPECT; Find out what it means to ....them?

In becoming a parent, we assume the role of teacher. We teach our children how to walk, talk, use the potty, use a fork; none of these things are easy, to be sure! But what about teaching respect? Do you spend as many conscious hours stressing over your child being respectful as you do about bathroom accidents? I do.

I grew up that you, the child, gave respect; especially to grown-ups. Parents’ friends, teachers, clergy; it didn’t matter…if you were old enough to vote, you got respect; period. As I aged, however, I realized that not everyone deserves my respect. But until they prove that, I give them the benefit of the doubt and treat them respectfully.

Here’s how I see it; everyone should be treated with respect right from the get-go. Once you receive it, though, you must work to maintain it. I don’t think respect is like trust; you don’t trust right out of the gate...it needs to be earned where respect needs to be retained.
So having said all this, how do we incorporate what we were told as children with what we’ve learned as adults? Do we tell our children to respect straight away or do we tell them to wait to see how someone treats them before deciding how to treat that someone? Do you really want your children to be that cynical?

See, to me, there’s a difference between treating someone with respect and respecting someone. Semantics, you ask? No, reality says I! Here’s a scenario…

You and your five year old are walking along the street and a stranger is walking toward you both. You walk closer to the right of the sidewalk to in order to give that person room to get by. Maybe you even smile and nod as they pass…maybe even go so far as say hello. That is treating someone with respect. Simply allowing room on the path you’re walking or a subtle nod. That person could be the biggest jerk in the world that you would no sooner respect than sprout wings and fly to the moon. But you don’t know that when you see them on the street. Should we assume that everyone does or has done something wrong (in our opinion), divert our eyes and take a wide berth onto the lawn?

I’m going to teach my children by example. On the road, I’m going to let cars in front of me often (but not too often…after all, I have to get to where I’m going too!), I’m going to smile and say hello to passersby, I’m going to offer assistance to elderly people struggling (and respect their wishes if they graciously or ungraciously wave me off), and look people in the eye when they talk to me. I’m not going to flip anyone the bird when they cut me off on the highway or blurt out an obscenity when they flip me the bird (though Lord knows I’d never cut anyone off). I’m not going to gossip about people in front of my children. I can’t with complete honesty promise never to gossip, that would be a set up for failure, but I can curb it in front of little pitchers, to be sure!
Look, I’m not going to win a Nobel Peace Prize for my amazing charitable contributions or actions but perhaps, just maybe, my simple, everyday, subtle teachings and simple acts of respect will embed themselves into my children’s psyches and they will wind up on the stage at Stockholm! …or more realistically, grow to be well-respected adults who have gained through their giving.

Eileen Cassidy Bishop