Second Time's a Charm?

I'm lucky enough to say I'm locked into a happy, loving, fun marriage with two cherubs as a result.  So many are not so lucky.  Some perhaps didn't try hard enough when the going got rough or were the victim of an extra-marital affair or drug use, etc. So many reasons to break up and when they out-number the reasons to stay together, well, then that's that.  I know I would get a tut-tut from many a mature reader who held fast to "death do us part" no matter, but I wonder had they to do it all over again, they wouldn't have chosen a different path for themselves and their children or their friends and their children.  I know too many people who would have benefited from their parents breaking up, but 30 and 40+ years ago, "it just wasn't done"...or at least not very often.  Yes, it's much more acceptable now and that may not be so great, but again, when efforts have been made to no avail...

I have a high school friend who married her high school sweetheart.  They had two beautiful kids together but a rough marriage.  Finally enough was enough and the marriage ended.  I don't think either one of them took the divorce lightly with children involved, but you do what you have to do, even if it's hard, for the sake of the kids' well-being.  I don't have a lot of details but I don't think it was pretty.  But it's over and though she still sees him from time to time and sometimes, when he's behaving exceptionally well, she's reminded of why she married him in the first place and perhaps beats herself up a little less.

She's definitely not the only friend that I've watched end a marriage.  Too many, to be sure, have decided to end it but none that I can call to mind did it without incredible difficulty, guilt, shame, and pain.  Most have children, even though some are grown, and some take complete blame for the breakup to protect not their spouse, but to keep their children's hearts from breaking over what really happened.   When a friend of mine told me this was the path she was going to take I was angry that she was taking the fall and, as predicted, her kids were so upset with her that one even turned his back on her and "sided" with his father.  She said even though they were both grown and leading their own lives, it wasn't fair to shatter what they had and have with their father; that they could reach their own conclusions in time.  Well, she was right and both her children are back in the fold and love and respect her even more than they did before...who says Mama don't know best?!

So back to my first friend, she is now happily divorced with one grown child and one just about to graduate high school.  She is still stunningly beautiful (I'm guessing even more so since she doesn't have a stress monkey riding on her back any longer) and has been lucky enough to find love again.  She managed to find a great guy who shares the same passion that she has...if I mention said passion she'll be found out immediately and she might get mad at me so I ain't sayin' nothin'!!  Suffice it to say, he lives and breathes it probably more than she does...if that's even possible!  He loves her, he tries to take care of her (as much as she'll let him), and he's great looking to boot.  I take it back, it's not luck, it's fate.

As for the second friend mentioned, she's still struggling to find real happiness again.  I think it will come but patience, as they say, is a virtue and must be practiced.  That, and you've got to kiss a lot of toads before you find Prince (or Princess) Charming.  

Happy searching! According to my husband, there's a lid to every pot.  And to further that sage wisdom, sometimes I think you find out the lid you've been using all this time belonged to some other pot in the cabinet and never really fit right in the first place.

~ Eileen Cassidy Bishop

VOTE (revisited)

I wrote this four years ago before the last Presidential Election.  I reread it today and decided I still feel the same way...probably even stronger now that my kids are getting old enough to kind of understand what's going on and who's doing what.  I'm hoping it stood the test of time!

VOTE

So did you all get the email that’s been passed around about Women’s Suffrage movement and what they went through to get to vote?  Or read up on what black Americans went through, including murder, when they tried to exercise their right to vote as late as 1965 (and probably later in some places)?  Frightening.  Truly.

I think what’s more frightening to me is that so many people, especially women, DON’T VOTE!!  I don’t get it.  I am apathetic about sooooo many things, but not voting.  From town council to the White House, I pine over who I’m going to try to help get in or sometimes, help NOT to get in.  I read and re-read my sample ballots and after I get my head to stop spinning after reading the constitutional amendments or the questions,  I read the “translation for idiots” at the bottom to make sure I know what they’re asking me!

My very first voting experience was the Presidential Election 1984 when Reagan was running for his second term against Mondale.  I was so excited I wanted my mom to take my picture going in and coming out of the booth.  She refused.  Killjoy!  S’okay, I remember like it was yesterday…truly one of my proudest moments. 

I don’t talk heavy politics with people.  I think it is an incredibly personal topic.   I have cocktail party political conversations with people.  You know, enough to let a person know which direction I lean without taking the chance of saying too much and offending someone who totally disagrees with my leaning.  (I kinda sound like a politician, don’t I?)  If someone does bring up politics in my house I welcome what they have to say as long as there’s no fist banging or extended soapbox standing and, most importantly, that they are voters.  My husband and I have a rule in our world; we’ll listen to your complaints (may even share a few) and counter or commiserate, whichever the case may be, as long as you VOTED!  Before we let you get too far, we stop you, ask if you’re a voter and if you say “no”, we don’t let you talk.  Isn’t that rude?  I mean really.  It’s my rule and I think it’s rude!  But there it is.  More people voted in the American Idol contest last year (myself included) than for the last Presidential election (like 80% more).  I totally understand though.  I mean, come on, I don’t have time to fill out less than 10 lines on a postage paid Voter Registration postcard that I can drop in any mailbox!  I do, however, have time to dial my phone 4,000 times until the busy signal at AI is replaced with a computer voice thanking me for my vote and disconnecting me.

Look, I don’t care who you vote for (well, not really, but hey, this is America, right?) just get out and VOTE!!  Do it for our kids’ futures.  Do it for OUR futures as senior citizens.  Do it to start changing things you want changed.  Just DO IT!!  Don’t think your vote doesn’t matter.  Don’t pull the electoral vote card out and say your one vote doesn’t matter.  It does it does it does.

That’s it.  I have to get down.  The air’s way too thin up here at the top of my soapbox!!

~Eileen Bishop (written 9/14/08 for October 2008 MOMS Club Newsletter and published in the November 2008 South Jersey MOM Magazine as a Letter to the Editor)

Who's a Maniac? I'm a Maniac!

So school's been out for about five or six weeks now.  It's actually gone by pretty quickly as we've been busy little bees!  Between the kids' swim practices and meets, my workouts and training for the Rugged Maniac 5K, vacations to Disney and day trips hither and yon, there hasn't been much down time; and when there is, it's usually spent vegetating on the couch or in front of the computer too tired (read lazy) to write.  But it's a rainy day here in the Garden State and the kids are watching The Spy Next Door, so I'm stealing a couple of minutes for myself (because Facebook and Bubble Witch Saga and Words with Friends totally doesn't count!!)

Last weekend I ran with many of the girls from Team Alpha and completed the Rugged Maniac 5K race in Englishtown, NJ.  I am very proud of myself and although I finished one minute and 15 seconds after my goal of one hour, at least I finished!  I have bruises and scrapes for battle scars and photos to document (to prove) my participation.  I wouldn't describe it as fun but I did have a good time.  Even when I was by myself on the course (well, not by myself but not with my fellow Alpha girls), I was feeling pretty full of myself.  Even when the cretin beside me decided to combat crawl through the muddy water under the barbed wire while simultaneously kicking his feet splashing said water in my face, I was happy to be a part of the event.

I definitely think, when you do something like this, whether it's a 5K, a marathon, or a triathlon, however big or small the competition, when you finish you feel part of something.  This is only my second competition ever, so the novelty may wear off, but for now, I'm enjoying the ride.  Even got me a Rugged Maniac sticker for my car! That's right! I'm rugged!  Just don't make me change a tire on Route 295, thank you!

Looking at my dirty bib or feeling guilty when I miss a workout or a training run, I realize how far I've come in the past year or so.  When I say I never competed in anything athletic before, I mean NEVER.  I did play softball for an office team when I was 21 but that was just to hang out afterward at the bar! 

I don't think I look that much different...my clothes fit a bit better but I expected to look like a fashion model by now...and don't, if you were wondering!  But I do feel better.  I feel great, actually.  Not only do I breathe better and run farther and lift more and push more, I'm not beating myself up about talking and not acting.  At least not on this point.  There are still plenty of things I plan on doing....and plan and plan and plan...but that's another story!  No, with regard to fitness and health, I really think I've done myself and my family a real justice.  I went from the couch to the track and never looked back.  I almost cried more than a few times and was embarrassed at my lack of ability or stamina, but thanks to a wonderful trainer and a fabulous team of girls, it never ever stopped me from going or made me consider quitting.  I started with two days a week, moved to that plus the gym a couple of times a week, to that plus running the streets or trails on the other days.  I went from wheezing at the 50 meter mark to running 5K's once every couple of weeks trying go farther and faster.  

I have friends who want to work out with my group and my trainer but are too afraid they won't keep up.  These are women (mostly) who are in far better shape than I was when I started but I completely understand where they're coming from.  At my first session, I very seriously told my friend that if anything were to happen, I'm not allergic to any medications and I'm an organ donor!  It was a Sunday morning and I couldn't walk normally until Thursday.  It was TOUGH!  But I went on that next Saturday and woke up a few more dormant muscles and whimpered through the next week and the next until finally, when I'd wake up without pain, I'd think I must not have pushed myself enough at the workout!  

So what I'm saying, other than how great I think I am apparently, is that it wasn't hard to do once I started.  I can't quit now because I feel like exercise now defines part of who I am.  Even when I'm a slug for a couple of days in a row, I still feel like part of the club.  I may not pay as high a dues as many of my fellow members (and they know who they are; the ones that don't miss a day, no matter what, to do some sort of workout), but that's okay.  Maybe someday I will.  Maybe when school starts up again in the Fall.  Maybe. Maybe not.  For right now, though, I'm cool with my three to five days a week (usually), working and laughing with my Alpha girls, and planning my next accomplishment!

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop