THE ANTICIPATION OF SUMMER

So we're coming to the close of yet another school year; the temporary shutting off of 6:30 alarm clocks and 7 a.m. breakfasts consisting of Cheerios and threats.  Another Summer awaits.  Pools, beaches, backyard sprinklers, PB&J at the picnic table, and the slathering of #50 sunblock.  I can't wait!  I have a feeling I will be using those same three words come mid August regarding the start of the new school year, but for now, bring on the lazy Summer days!

Actually, I'm not sure how lazy they'll be initially.  Both Leo and Cathy are on our pool club's swim team (GO TARNSFIELD TORPEDOES!) and Leo is trying out for both travel soccer and tournament little league baseball.  I don't think he'll do both, I think he just wants to secure a backup plan!  I won't be devastated if he doesn't do either one, but I think he's really hoping to get on the soccer team as "Baseball's boring.  That's why I dance and jump around out in left-center; I have to entertain myself 'til the ball comes!"  Aaaaanyway...

So with lots of vacations planned (both mini and maxi), sports to play (both organized and not-so organized), sunblock to apply, and water to be swum in, I'm thinking the Summer will go by pretty quickly.  I know it will go by more quickly than last year as I've noticed the older and more independent the kids get, the faster the Summer goes.  Probably because I don't have to have every moment filled with some sort of entertainment.  Both my kids love to read and pretend play and color and draw and swing on the swing and splash in the sprinkler and play wiffle ball together that most times, if they permit me, I can sit on the patio and read and call it "watching the kids".  As long as I don't mind the occasional interruption for a drink or a Band-Aid or a quick tattle, they usually grant me the time.  And now that we've joined a swim club, though I can't read while they're swimming (sorry life guard, it's not that I don't trust you I just don't trust you!) I can chat with fellow moms and enjoy watching them play in the pool.  Sweet.

I wish there were a way, without costing anyone anything (always have to add that just in case someone tries to come up with a way), at least one parent could stay home all Summer with their kids.  I mean, only if they wanted to, of course!  I know a few parents who like daycare just fine!  But for those who would like to be home, I wish it were possible.  Back in my working days, when Gene and I were planning a family, the thought of not working never entered my mind.  I just figured I'd find a home daycare provider and that would be that.  And had I not been lucky enough to stay home as I have since before Leo was born, that's exactly what I would have done; like it or not.  

And I feel I am lucky too.  I watched a talk show years ago where stay-at-home moms and working moms were debating (or screaming at one another) over who worked harder and who had the shorter end of the stick.  I honestly can't remember which role I had at the time but I remember thinking number one, how ridiculous they sounded shouting at one another but more importantly that neither one really understood what the other was trying to say.  I get it; you spend a lot of time and hard work getting an education, breaking into and cultivating a career that to give it up, even for a few years, can't be part of the plan.  It doesn't mean you love your children less.  I get too, that once you had that child in your arms, you realized there was no way anyone was going to raise that child or see his first steps or hear his first words before you.  It doesn't mean you've lost your desire to be successful at your chosen career or that you're using motherhood as an excuse to stop working.  I think if a woman could leave her career for a long period of time to find it waiting there when she returned, lots more mothers would absolutely stay home with their family.  My sister-in-law, a lawyer, was lucky enough (and good enough a lawyer) to take off almost a whole year when her daughter was born.  Then, to further their good fortune, my brother was willing and able to reverse the traditional role of care-giver and become a stay-at-home dad.  I know that both my niece and her parents are eternally grateful for their time spent together.

But that doesn't happen very often at all.  So I am going to take whatever time Good Fortune allows me and spend it as a Domestic Goddess fretting over dinner menus and laundry piles; paying bills and nursing boo-boos and hurt feelings and enjoy every second!

.....'til mid August anyway!

Happy Summer everyone!!

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop

Once Again Gracing Our Stage, I Give You Father Freakin' Time!

Leo's class had to do a timeline of their lives to date last month and it was something he took very seriously because, well, you know, he's been around forever and has done a LOT of stuff!  It meant a lot to him that each event he deemed important enough to be included in the timeline have an accompanying photograph; that was where I came in.  So all that last week, while he was taking it easy in school, I was pouring over almost eight years of Leo...and I loved every second!  The only bad was once again being slapped in the face with the reality that is my baby's gone from a chubby-faced baldy to a tall drink of water with LOTS of hair and deep thoughts.

That's the funny thing about the passage of time, I think...well, not funny "ha ha".  No, far from that kind of funny!  Funny that you don't feel it moving until you're reminded.  Like when you've been on a boat for a long afternoon and when you get off onto the secure, solid dock, you get all wobbly until you find your balance.  "Oh, that's right, I've been walking on water all afternoon!"  When Cathy was born, 15 months after Leo arrived, Leo was still my little baby whose peach fuzz-covered head I'd nuzzle while he sat in my huge lap reading books with me (at that point I was doing most of the reading).  But the second I saw him in the hospital being carried into the room in his Aunt Amy's arms, he looked huge!!  He looked like a little boy, not like the baby I'd seen the day before at home playing with his Thomas Trains and watching Baby Mozart!!  The baby was gone...poof...just like that!!  I'm sure the hormones didn't help, but I started to cry at the sight of him (don't worry, I sucked it up before I freaked him out).  That was my first real slap in the face from Father Time and it hurt...bad! 

After trying and trying and praying and praying and thermometers and chemical drugs and holistic drugs and disappointment after disappointment finally leading to surrendering defeat, I was viewed worthy enough to be his mother.  He was known as the Miracle Baby...that is until my oven started cooking another bun only five months later.  Then he became known as the Pipe Cleaner!  Whatever his aliases, to me he's the one that started it all; the one who after over 12 years of  DINKhood, turned a couple into a family, the one who made all my dreams come true.

He'll be eight years old this month; my Spring Equinox baby.  I get statements from him like, "Look, those two pillars are congruent" to "Moby Dick ate people...I learned that from a video game" alluding that if he learned it from a video game then it MUST be true, no questions asked!  If it weren't for the latter comments revealing his sweet naivety, I'd be sure the next thing out of his mouth would be "can I borrow the car so I'm not late for Physics class?"  He goes from snuggling with me and whispering "my mommy" under his breath to matter-of-fact  statements like "yes, yes, I think that's a Cumulus Nimbus cloud so we should be safe from rain today".  This is the age when I'm either begging for more time to keep him young or screaming for him to be a responsible big boy; it's no wonder the poor kid's not walking around in a confused, mother-induced stupor half the time.

Well, actually he is walking around in a stupor half the time but I'm not falling on that sword!

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop

Who Are THEY?

You know what they say, "Too many cooks spoil the broth!"
Who are they?
People.
What people?
People in the know.
In the know about broth?
Oh come on, don't be silly.

It is silly to take someone so literally when they invoke the almighty, all-knowing they.  But is it being silly when you base decisions on what they say when you don't know who they are?  Sometimes I get it; if they of the fashion world say not to wear legwarmers with my tights and leotard to the gym, I listen.  If they of the nutritional world say to drink at least 8 glasses of water a day or the they in the medical field say a glass of red wine a day will reduce your chance of a heart attack, by golly, I'll listen!  Especially the latter but that goes without saying.

I'm talking about the they of unknown origin who get credit for saying pretty much anything they want without anyone challenging them.  These are the they's we magically remember when we're trying to prove a particular point or help validate a decision.  They are the they's we can't actually name therefore they are the they's who can't be challenged.  Their strength comes from one friend telling another friend telling another friend telling another until whatever they've said, becomes gospel even if no one can remember who said it when.

"They say if you drink too much Diet Coke while in your third trimester your baby will be predisposed to weight gain.  No, no, it's totally true; I read it in a magazine...or heard it on the news....oh, I can't remember where I heard it but what difference does it make?"  Welp, I'm thinkin' it makes a big difference!  Now Sue who can't live without drinking a can of Diet Coke at least once a day will get so stressed out on Diet Coke withdrawal that she'll probably cause her unborn child to develop a tick.  They say that can happen you know!

I think the older generation relies on the they quite often; at least I notice it more when speaking with an elder as opposed to a contemporary.  I wonder if it's because they are, or at least were, a more trusting generation than the cynical, "show me" Baby Boomers and Gen-X's of today.  In fact, I'm writing on the heals of a political conversation I had recently with someone from the WWII era and when I pressed for a they identification, the conversation resembled that of the lines I opened with above.  I don't think it's a terrible thing to call upon the secret army of they.  I mean, perhaps they did read it in a reputable publication or hear it from an expert on a Nova or some other fact-based program and simply can't remember well enough to satisfy the cynic asking.  But when one can't remember who they are when asked, I think it works against their point as opposed to backing it up.  The cynic just throws his hands up saying, "Oh, okay, THEY say it so it MUST be true!" thereby ending the discussion.

I do it; we all do it I think, at least from time to time.  But I do try to be conscious when throwing around the they collective.  I always assume I'll be chatting with some cynic like myself who'll stop me mid story to ask who they are and I want to make sure I have a concrete answer; "The Blahbiddityblah medical team at Johns Hopkins just released a study and I read it in Harvard Health Publications." So there!



~Eileen Cassidy Bishop