I lost someone very dear to me a few days ago. My uncle died suddenly and although he was over 80, not in a million years, when my mom called, did I expect this news. Even as I write this I'm fighting back utter sadness.
I think my sadness is not only because of his death, but because of a collection of things. Eight months ago, I had two wonderful uncles, my Aunt had a husband and a brother, and my mom had two brothers. Maybe it's the finality of it all; other than my brothers, there are no men left from my childhood. My own father passed almost 28 years ago. The second generation of the Gans Clan has no fathers...my uncle was the last. Farewell to the first generation's testosterone, you did well!! Thanks to you and a good Irish Catholic upbringing, there are about a billion of us running around!! I can certainly take some solace from that.
Maybe I'm this upset because I know the older I get the older the adults from my childhood get and I morn for not only the people I've already lost, but for the someday loss of those still living. I try not to dwell on it, but at times like these, I just can't help it. Whenever I mention this to my mother, that I worry about her dying, she always has the same response: "What do you want Eileen? I can't live forever! Heck, I don't want to!!"
But they all can, can't they? They can live on in the funny and wonderful stories we'll tell at family get-togethers and Christmas and Thanksgiving Dinners. We'll tell them with smiles on our faces and a warmth in our hearts.
So thanks for letting me babble. I've convinced myself that we are all, in fact, going to live forever! As long as the testosterone holds out and babies keep being made, we'll all live on in hearts and minds. Some of our stories will become legends and wives tales simply because some of them are so silly, strange, sad, or sweet that they can't have happened. The stories will change slightly over the years, most likely, like the telephone game we played as children but the bones will never change.
So I'll take comfort in knowing that while we're down here, they're up there, laughing and smiling as much as we do and when we leave this world and go to the next, they'll be waiting with outstretched arms to give us the hugs we've missed for so long.
So good-bye, Uncle Gene. I hope the golf courses are well-groomed up there and that your every shot is long and straight!!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
I Am Woman Hear Me Roar
Apparently I have this reputation for being a big mouth ready to take on anyone who crosses me or ticks me off. I'm not quite sure how I got this. I mean, okay, when I was a child I would throw tantrums and yell my little lungs out and as a pre-teen and teen, I walked around angry at everyone...everyone except my posse, of course. I would yell at my mother, sneer at my father, ignore my sister (which was just fine with her!) and the like. I mellowed with age. By the time I was in my early 20's, I was basically nice to everyone, even my mom if I didn't see her too often. I would still get ticked off, but I would keep it more to myself because I was pretty much afraid of causing a scene. Imagine that? Me? Afraid of the attention? Well, negative attention? You bet your sweet bippy! Now I'm more afraid of hurting people's feelings or having them misunderstand what I'm saying or worst of all, yell at me that I choose silence rather than say something negative or react negatively. I try not to let anyone walk on me (at least not too much anyway), but I hold my tongue more often than not.
So why do I have this reputation? I honestly don't get it. Even now, with a gaggle of new wonderful friends, friends who didn't know me in the "angry years", I'm viewed as this "take no prisoners" kind of woman. I have never yelled at anyone...well, aside from my kids and my husband but that's just a right, isn't it? I've had plenty of opportunities to let people know how angry or hurt they've made me or to stop speaking to them or taking their phone calls, but I never took them. Over the years I have had a few confrontations with close family members and even a couple of friends, one with a now ex-friend, but only if I was drawn in. And even then, the quick-thinking "big mouth" of yesteryear would get tongue-tied and upset to tears. So not worth it. I think there are very few reasons that will support making a scene or hurting someone with words spoken in anger. You can never ever ever take back words. The recipient will never ever ever forget what you said. They may forgive, if you're lucky, but they'll never forget. So there will always be a riff between you.
When I was 18, I couldn't care less about that. If I had something on my mind, or you made me angry, you knew about it; no holds barred. But I was young and socially retarded; as I think all teenagers are to some degree. I was raised in a family that squabbled a lot and made up shortly afterward so I just assumed that would work with the rest of the world. I was wrong. I learned that pretty quickly and after a few bosses would tell me on my exit interview after being fired. Oh yes, my mouth got me into trouble many times back then.
But by changing my outlook along the way and maturing into real adulthood, I learned my lesson. I've probably mellowed too much as there are some who will take advantage along the way, but I'd rather be happy and have the people around me be happy with me than to let a few bad apples ruin all the work I've done on myself.
...However, watch out. I may decide since I can't beat 'em I'll join 'em and then boy oh boy, you'll hear me roar!! (insert wink here)
~Eileen Cassidy Bishop
So why do I have this reputation? I honestly don't get it. Even now, with a gaggle of new wonderful friends, friends who didn't know me in the "angry years", I'm viewed as this "take no prisoners" kind of woman. I have never yelled at anyone...well, aside from my kids and my husband but that's just a right, isn't it? I've had plenty of opportunities to let people know how angry or hurt they've made me or to stop speaking to them or taking their phone calls, but I never took them. Over the years I have had a few confrontations with close family members and even a couple of friends, one with a now ex-friend, but only if I was drawn in. And even then, the quick-thinking "big mouth" of yesteryear would get tongue-tied and upset to tears. So not worth it. I think there are very few reasons that will support making a scene or hurting someone with words spoken in anger. You can never ever ever take back words. The recipient will never ever ever forget what you said. They may forgive, if you're lucky, but they'll never forget. So there will always be a riff between you.
When I was 18, I couldn't care less about that. If I had something on my mind, or you made me angry, you knew about it; no holds barred. But I was young and socially retarded; as I think all teenagers are to some degree. I was raised in a family that squabbled a lot and made up shortly afterward so I just assumed that would work with the rest of the world. I was wrong. I learned that pretty quickly and after a few bosses would tell me on my exit interview after being fired. Oh yes, my mouth got me into trouble many times back then.
But by changing my outlook along the way and maturing into real adulthood, I learned my lesson. I've probably mellowed too much as there are some who will take advantage along the way, but I'd rather be happy and have the people around me be happy with me than to let a few bad apples ruin all the work I've done on myself.
...However, watch out. I may decide since I can't beat 'em I'll join 'em and then boy oh boy, you'll hear me roar!! (insert wink here)
~Eileen Cassidy Bishop
Friday, September 10, 2010
My last excuse for unemployment just got on the school bus!
Actually, that's not true...if I tell myself I can't even think about getting a "real" job until my house is organized, clean, and running like a well-oiled machine, I figure I buy myself another few years!
Where to begin? Signed-up with FlyLady.net, check. Started a To-Do list, check. Sat down and had a cup of coffee, check. Checked my email and Facebook page, check....oh, wait! I'm off-track already!! Better change delay in employment to the high school years!
I honestly don't know how my mother did it; she had SEVEN little people to keep clean, well-fed and clothed. At one point, she had six in school at one time (she just recently spoke about her morning sandwich assembly line)!! I don't ever remember having a dirty house and we could never afford take-out.
Of course, she did have her minions...as soon as you hit a certain age, you were on the Chore Distribution List. Such duties included but were not limited to, based on age and gender, polishing (not dusting) the furniture in an assigned room, vacuuming said room, mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage, emptying the dishwasher, and doing the pots after dinner. "Whose turn is it to do the pots?" "Hers, I did them last." "No you didn't, I did!" "Okay, you can wash and you can dry, problem solved!" See, my mom didn't keep a list or chore chart. She would just point and assign. We'd whine and make an attempt to get out of it (at least I did), but it never worked. Short of high fever or violent vomiting, you were stuck. And you couldn't see your friends until it was finished. Had we eliminated the whining and grumbling, it would have taken anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour and then we'd be free to roam. Even though she told me this 9,999 times, I never listened...well, that mustn't be true since I heard the exact words coming out of my mouth recently and decided I must have heard that from her because I would never come up with that phrase on my own!
So here's how I think a Saturday chore list would have looked like for my mother circa 1970:
Jim, mow lawn and clean bedroom.
Barry, take out garbage and clean bedroom.
Chris, clean playroom and clean bedroom. (I'm thinking since he had his piano in there and the thing was HUGE, I can make this assumption!)
Mary Ann, help me clean kitchen, help Jeannie and Eileen polish and vacuum, clean bedroom. (and by "help" I mean "do it completely over since I'm sure they'll do a less than par job")
Stephen, clean bedroom (that would be enough work for any man (though I should talk!)
Jeannie, polish living room, dining room, family room, clean bedroom.
Eileen, vacuum living room, dining room, family room, clean bedroom.
Of course, at the end of the day, the bedrooms would have been minimally tidied, much less cleaned (except maybe Mary Ann's); my dad would lose is patience with Jimmy and take over mowing the lawn the "right way"; the garbage would be taken out only because it was overflowing and Barry would probably have the bag handed to him; the play room would remain relatively untouched save for the piano which would shine like a new penny! In 1970, Jeannie and I would have spent two minutes doing our chores and then be sent outside to play (aka, get out of the way) and Mary Ann would spend the majority of her Saturday cleaning with my mom. That would change in a few years when Jeannie and I wouldn't have the excuse of youth on our side.
These are only assumptions. I can see my inbox filling up with sibling emails with all the writing in capital letters and exclamation points. However, although these are assumptions based on a little girl's memory, it's the list I'll have in a couple of years... though with far less minions to divide the work. Until then, I guess I'll have to do it myself...or go make another cup of coffee!
~Eileen Cassidy Bishop
Where to begin? Signed-up with FlyLady.net, check. Started a To-Do list, check. Sat down and had a cup of coffee, check. Checked my email and Facebook page, check....oh, wait! I'm off-track already!! Better change delay in employment to the high school years!
I honestly don't know how my mother did it; she had SEVEN little people to keep clean, well-fed and clothed. At one point, she had six in school at one time (she just recently spoke about her morning sandwich assembly line)!! I don't ever remember having a dirty house and we could never afford take-out.
Of course, she did have her minions...as soon as you hit a certain age, you were on the Chore Distribution List. Such duties included but were not limited to, based on age and gender, polishing (not dusting) the furniture in an assigned room, vacuuming said room, mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage, emptying the dishwasher, and doing the pots after dinner. "Whose turn is it to do the pots?" "Hers, I did them last." "No you didn't, I did!" "Okay, you can wash and you can dry, problem solved!" See, my mom didn't keep a list or chore chart. She would just point and assign. We'd whine and make an attempt to get out of it (at least I did), but it never worked. Short of high fever or violent vomiting, you were stuck. And you couldn't see your friends until it was finished. Had we eliminated the whining and grumbling, it would have taken anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour and then we'd be free to roam. Even though she told me this 9,999 times, I never listened...well, that mustn't be true since I heard the exact words coming out of my mouth recently and decided I must have heard that from her because I would never come up with that phrase on my own!
So here's how I think a Saturday chore list would have looked like for my mother circa 1970:
Jim, mow lawn and clean bedroom.
Barry, take out garbage and clean bedroom.
Chris, clean playroom and clean bedroom. (I'm thinking since he had his piano in there and the thing was HUGE, I can make this assumption!)
Mary Ann, help me clean kitchen, help Jeannie and Eileen polish and vacuum, clean bedroom. (and by "help" I mean "do it completely over since I'm sure they'll do a less than par job")
Stephen, clean bedroom (that would be enough work for any man (though I should talk!)
Jeannie, polish living room, dining room, family room, clean bedroom.
Eileen, vacuum living room, dining room, family room, clean bedroom.
Of course, at the end of the day, the bedrooms would have been minimally tidied, much less cleaned (except maybe Mary Ann's); my dad would lose is patience with Jimmy and take over mowing the lawn the "right way"; the garbage would be taken out only because it was overflowing and Barry would probably have the bag handed to him; the play room would remain relatively untouched save for the piano which would shine like a new penny! In 1970, Jeannie and I would have spent two minutes doing our chores and then be sent outside to play (aka, get out of the way) and Mary Ann would spend the majority of her Saturday cleaning with my mom. That would change in a few years when Jeannie and I wouldn't have the excuse of youth on our side.
These are only assumptions. I can see my inbox filling up with sibling emails with all the writing in capital letters and exclamation points. However, although these are assumptions based on a little girl's memory, it's the list I'll have in a couple of years... though with far less minions to divide the work. Until then, I guess I'll have to do it myself...or go make another cup of coffee!
~Eileen Cassidy Bishop
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