Why Me?

Sit down one afternoon when you've got nothing to do and try to remember how you met all the significant people in your life; your spouse, your BFF, your circle of friends, your worst enemy.  Do you realize that if it weren't for some particular person, some event, some situation, your children, you never would have had the pleasure of knowing those people.  Sometimes I take a moment and thank my friend Jayne and my sister Jeannie who were instrumental in me meeting my husband (sometimes I take a moment and curse them too!)  Or I thank my Board of Education in Sayreville, NJ for putting me in class with my life-long friend before I even knew who she was.  Or my children for getting me involved with people through a moms club or school event or church vacation bible school.  Or a lousy neighborhood situation that would lead to us finding this wonderful house in this lovely town filled with (mostly) great people.  (well, maybe I wouldn't be grateful for that situation but you can see where I'm going with this)

I will be forever grateful for everything that's happened in my life and the people who helped make it happen.  But I can't and don't give them credit for the success of my relationships nor do I blame them for the demise of them.  That's all me; I'm responsible for putting forth the effort to keep the attachments (or not), both physically and emotionally.  I can thank friends and relations who've helped me mellow over the years but congratulate and thank myself for staying mellow.  I can thank my kids for my ever-growing circle of friends, but can't put the blame on them when time passes and I've let the relationship wane.  It's my fault for not making the time even if our kids are growing apart due to interests changing and schedules grow full.

In this world, I've learned, things can change on a dime.  If you don't change with it, than maybe things or people aren't as important to you as they were once.  Maybe you change.  Maybe they change and you don't like the change so you back slowly away.  So slowly at times that you don't even realize you're doing it.  I think it's okay.  I think if you can accept the change and roll with it; make sense of it within your own mind and heart, you will be happier and live longer.

That's what I've been trying to do lately.  There have been lots of twists and turns this past Summer and once incredibly upset and feeling abandoned or dumped,  I now realize it's just the way the world turns; it's the evolution of feelings and views, it's the metamorphosis of the relationship to either a higher level or a lower level of importance and it's okay.  I'm going with the flow.  I'm looking at it as an opportunity to expand my horizons instead of as a punishment and reason to close in on myself.

This is what's working for me.  Me, at this age (over 29 but under 70, as my mother-in-law used to say), dealing with the same things I dealt with as a school-aged kid.  But this time I'm going to use my maturity and my experiences to pull me through instead of lying face-down on my pillow and crying, "Why me?"  And I'll tell you what...it's pretty damn liberating!!!!

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop

Xena, Warrior Princess and Sweet Little Chicken

Xena, Warrior Princess and Sweet Little Chicken

We said good-bye to our dog this morning.  She passed during the night lying next to Leo's bed.  She just didn't wake up.  She looked the way she had when I would have to go up and touch her to make sure she was still alive.  I'd been doing that for so long that when I walked into the room after Cathy discovered her, I almost asked Gene if he was sure she'd died.  She looked as sweet as ever and completely at piece.  Death had come for her while she slept...just like I'd asked.

I knew it was coming.  She was 14 and a half years old; already beating the odds for a Bassett Hound.  She'd been acting strangely for the past couple of days since we returned from vacation and something told me it wouldn't be long.  Last night I sat with her on the floor, told her I loved her and that it was okay to go.  I went to bed and prayed that she'd go on her own; that she wouldn't need any intervention from us (or the vet).  I'd been steeling myself for quite a while for this day.  But still...

We'll get another dog...or two...probably sooner than later.  If I had my way I'd wait but with two kids who have had dogs around them all their short lives, I don't think I have much of a choice.  I wonder if they'd be good with a miniature horse; I hear they live 30+ years.  Nah, a horse would definitely mark up the floors!  I hear birds last a long time too but then you have to have a bird.  No, I like birds OUTside my house.  This way when they start chirping you can close the window and block out the sound.

No, it'll be a dog.  I'd love to have a cat but I'm allergic, unfortunately.  It's a cruel joke to make a cat lover cat allergic, but so it is.  Yes, another dog.  But it won't ever be another Chickie.  She was, by far, the most gentle thing on Earth.  She'd bark on the front lawn at other dogs to KEEP AWAY but when the dog ventured near her, she'd roll over onto her back and quiver!  So funny!  That's where "Chickie" came from.  She was such a little chicken with other dogs that it just stuck.  A warrior princess she was not but that's okay.  Give me a Chickie over a Warrior any day!

The next couple of days will be hard on the kids and for us.  Cathy walks in the door and yells "Chickie!" without fail.  I think it will be a hard habit to break.  Leo, like Gene, would often give her a little pat and mutter "who's a good Chickie?" anytime he walked past her.  We told them about the meadow (you know, the one by the Rainbow Bridge?) and that helped.  They're kids; they'll get over it and move on...fortunately...but there will be days or moments when something will make them think of her and they may cry or want to, but then it will pass and life will go on...it always does.

So to wax poetic, farewell sweet Chickie, you will be loved for ever and ever and ever.  Tell Thorboy hello from us and have fun tipping over all those garbage cans 'cause Lord knows Heaven for Chickie is filled with tip-able garbage cans!!

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop

Holy Mother of God

So I started working out about six or so weeks ago with a group of women who actually pay someone to torture them for a minimum of 75 minutes which is usually, in actuality 90 to 120 minutes. They had been trying to get me to join them in their semi-weekly torture for the past year until I finally gave in and joined them on the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend...appropriate as it was OH SO MEMORABLE!!! I was sore until Thursday and the name spoken more often then not was HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!

Actually, those words were spoken more during the workout then after! He was tough, this trainer named Des...very tough! But you know what? I came back the next Saturday and have only missed one workout since!

Everyone at one time or another works out, right? I mean, I'm not holding the holy grail in my hand screaming "I'VE FOUND IT, I'VE FOUND IT!!!" But maybe, in my own mind, I am! Never before have I actually wanted to go out and run after a long day to try and improve my breathing for workout or try to improve my stamina for a 5K. 5K?!??! What the...??? But I am and I'm really impressed, I have to tell you!

The other night I was headed out for torture and my daughter said, "I told you Mom, you're as skinny as a green bean and I don't want you working out anymore! You get too sweaty!!" Yes, yes I do! Sorry! I try to explain to her than even if I'm as skinny as a green bean (and by the way, I'd love to borrow her glasses to see THAT!) I am FINALLY feeling healthy and if I do this I'll grow old and watch what a great grandparent she'll be! She buys it long enough for me to get out the door.

So I do feel good; inside and out. I don't see any incredible change yet but I can feel it in there dying to get out! My intention is to stick with it and if I have to call on the Holy Mother at every workout, I just hope she listens at least once in a while!

~ Eileen Cassidy Bishop