Just when I was getting used to the idea...

Just when I thought I was okay with the idea of my babies going to school in September leaving me alone for the first time since February of 2004, I have to find an old videotape of them at one and two years old. Yikes!! I was transported back in time to baby squeals and clapping hands and cheers for sliding down a slide by themselves; to both Leo and Cat walking around like drunks trying to steady themselves on two legs; to...to....

I remember when Cat was born and my mom brought Leo to the hospital to see us. I started to cry when he came through the door because, overnight, my baby turned into a toddler!! I mean he was HUGE!! All of a sudden, due to this tiny little eight pound eight ounce infant girl in my arms, I came to the realization that he aged from a baby to the 15 month old he was. It was very sad for me.

So you'd think I'd have learned my lesson and NOT watched the tape marked "Leo's 1st Birthday" or the tape marked "Summer 2006", right? Yeah, NO! Not only am I subjected to the seem-splitting speed of time, I watch film of my sweet basset hound no longer with us. Oy! I am, however, very proud of myself for keeping it together while the kids giggled and gawked over the babies that were once them. Their giggles and self-mocking were really fun to watch. I would have coverage of Leo staggering around forever (very scintillating stuff!) and go to fast forward to find something with Cat in it and she'd cry "Don't! I want to see him!!" Leo, of course, was happy to move on from Baby Cat to Baby Leo; no problem!

When Leo was a baby, people would stop me and admire him and tell me to enjoy every minute because before you know it, he'll be going off to school, losing teeth, and talking back. I would politely promise to enjoy the time but in my mind I was praying for the day he'd sleep through the night or get past the horrendous teething stage or get big enough to fit into that adorable outfit in the next size. I decided those people were just waxing romantic and time would always go as slowly as it did(especially leading up to nap time!)

But watching those videos was a real wake-up call and I have to apologize to all those admirers for doubting their words. Time has gone by in the blink of an eye. Not just with my own kids, but others' as well. My nephews and nieces have children, some of those children are starting high school. Contemporaries from high school are having college graduation parties for their children or have even become grandparents. I'm not there yet, but after my epiphany I know that it's virtually around the corner!! I mean, I watch commercials about daughters getting their driver's license and driving off down the street while their father stands in the driveway lost...I tear up for Pete's sake! Geez.

The flight of time is probably the oldest and most common complaint among parents but I think each one feels that no one else can come close to understanding the way they feel about it. But we do. I think there will be a lot of parental melancholy when the first day of school comes around, as there is every year, I'm sure, due to Kindergarten-, high school-, and college-bound babies leaving the nest. I'll get over it, of course, until the next major milestone anyway!

Famn Damily

I have a very big family; four brothers and two sisters, 11 nephews and nieces, seven grandnephews and nieces and one more on the way. I'd list the number of first cousins and first cousins once removed and second cousins and second cousins once....oh never mind! Point is, there's a bunch of us and we continue to procreate at a dangerously fast rate --- and we all love it! Each little person is cuter than the next! There's so much joy in my family it really is wonderful!

Don't get me wrong. We have had a good share of hardship. I mean, we're the size of a small town in Alaska for Pete's sake so there's bound to be times when we just can't beat the odds! There have been battles with addiction, divorce, unemployment, illness; but where other families have been torn apart by many of these events, mine has become more tightly knit.

We're not calling each and every sibling every day to check in, but we've got a pretty good grapevine going so we're all pretty in tune with what's happening to whom and when or why. I talk to my sister who talks to my other sister who emails my brother who Facebooks with my other brother who calls my other brother who...wait, I lost myself...anyway, bottom line is, we're all eventually in each other's business and usually it's a welcomed trespass.

I consider myself very lucky; always have. I remember proudly telling my Kindergarten teacher that I had six brothers and sisters and could name them all, in order of birth, first and middle names. Very impressive! That's a LOT of information for a little kid to remember! Oh, and by the way, I'm the youngest (didn't appreciate that fact until I was much MUCH older!) They were all very nice to me growing up even though they'll all tell you what a brat I was (hmmmm...) I remember one night shortly before Christmas, I couldn't have been more than five years old or so, a few of the older sibs came in to my room and woke me up to show me all the things that I was going to give as Christmas presents. They went shopping for me! I don't know if they paid for those things themselves or if my parents gave them the money for it, but it doesn't matter. To this day the thought of it moves me and fills me with love.

I think my parents did a great job. They taught us how to love, forgive, laugh, and appreciate each other. They taught by example by loving and appreciating each other until the day my father died.

I love my family. I'm very proud of my family. My family has and will have to face problems small and big and it seems the older we all get, the bigger the problems are, or at least seem to be. The grapevine will buzz and fall quiet at times. We will get wrapped up in our own spouses and children and slip out of touch for a while but never for a long while. There will be weddings and births and graduations and death. There will be times of joy and times of hardship. But there will always always be someone there for someone else...always.

No matter how we grew up and what we grew up into, we love each other. We may not always like each other or understand personal decisions made, but we love each other. Period.

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop

Girls just wanna have fun

I'm tired. I have a little bit of a lingering headache. If it weren't for the kids screaming and giggling in the next room, I'd think I stepped back in time to when I would go out and party and bar-hop 'til 2 a.m.

Oh wait! I did go out and party and bar-hop 'til 2 a.m.!! Thanks to the kids' Vacation Bible School (shameful, I know), the night started with a triple date with good friends then thanks to our husbands taking the kids back home, the girls headed out to a nightclub in Trenton (or "Tre-in" as the Trentonians say!) It was girls' night out to celebrate a friend's 40th; nine or 10 of us danced and people-watched the night away...well, until about midnight anyway! After watching bumping and grinding for a couple of hours we moved on to a small bar in town where the Karaoke machine was fired up and American Idol wanna-be's crooned or squawked at us through speakers turned up way too loud.

Geez, how old am I?! I remember going to see bands and wanting to stand by the 10-foot tall speakers! Of course, I was watching David Crosby, not Suzy the cashier at the local deli reliving her high school musical days! I'm wondering if that's where my headache stems from. Oh, and did I mention that I personally squawked out Summer Nights with the bartender? Um, yeah...sorry to all my bar peeps out there!

It really was a great night. To think, I would do this weekly (sans the nightclub) back in the day. But the old gray mare just ain't what she used to be so I'm thinking this little excursion should keep me content for a good couple a months!

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop

Invasion of the sweet boy body snatchers

Can someone tell me what happened to my sweet, lovey-dovey, smiley little boy? He was here just a second ago! Has anyone noticed or heard of any UFOs in the area 'cause I'm thinking he may have been snatched and replaced by a cranky, overly sensitive, stingy little non-sharing alien who's mean to his sister and fresh to his parents. Anybody? Anything? No, didn't think so.

The thing is, I know the real kid is in there somewhere. I see glimpses of him often but not often enough. I hear him giggling with his sister and playing happily often. But not often enough. I feel him snuggling with me in the early mornings chatting with me or watching Arthur and I think today will be the day sweetness will overcome meanness and that sweet son and brother will come back one hundred percent. But it's fleeting. His sister gets up shortly after and wants to snuggle as well. And so it begins...the alien rears his head and the sun of another day shines upon his face.

I will not give up. I will continue to use intense therapy of love and patience mixed in with direction, re-direction, and discipline and I know that eventually the good being will take over the creepy one and peace will once again reign over the land (or at least my house). The mission will not be easy. Nails may be chewed, hair (specifically mine) will be pulled out, tales will be tattled, and feelings will be hurt. But I have donned my mother's armor and am prepared.

I just hope victory comes sooner rather than later as though my love for him is immeasurable, my patience is very measureable; one needs only a very short stick!

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop

Pillow Thinking

Don't you miss the days when you could simply turn off the light, flip over onto your side, and be asleep in five minutes? I do. I do a LOT! Everyone knows the feeling; your mind starts racing...what do I have to do tomorrow? Who do I have to call? I really should have registered the car today so I have it by the end of the month. Why did I have to yell at the kids like that? Why did the kids make me yell at them like that? (see how I turned that around right there?)

Even when I am DOG tired, as soon as my head hits the pillow....BAM! Wide awake while my husband and dog snore away incessently...that's the salt in the wound right there! I tell myself I should get up and write or at the very least, make a couple of notes on the pad I keep on my bedside table, as I think my best ideas come at either bedtime or at 2:30a.m. when I wake up in a panic about...see above! But I don't. Instead I beat myself up and fight with myself to STOP THINKING. We all do that. I'm sure there are heads nodding emphatically reading this and thinking, "I know exactly how she feels!"

So how do I fix this? Hmmm.....make a list today to answer the question of what I have to do tomorrow and who I have to call? Register the car sooner than two weeks before it expires? Stop yelling at the kids? (yeah, right) It's doable, I know it is, just like reaching over and grabbing my notepad in the middle of the night. Ahem.

I love reading articles about how incredibly easy it is to organize your life, your house, your family...it's as easy as 1,2, 3! "Come on, now, no more excuses! Just follow these 25 easy steps and within only a few short weeks you'll be able to lay your head down at night and sleep peacefully." In a perfect world there are 25 easy steps...well, in a perfect world I guess I wouldn't need the steps in the first place because I'd be organized and happy and channeling Donna Reed. In my world, though, I get to step 4 and I start to wane. By step 9 I'm starting to line up my excuses and by step 14 I've added that article's magazine to my recycling pile never to lay eyes on again. "Easy steps"....riiiight!

So here it is...I'm not going to beat myself up. Well, I'm going to try not to anyway. I'll renew my website favorites to include Flylady.net and pick and choose what I'll do and listen to, but perhaps not always take, advice on how to get it done. I'll tell myself, and try to believe, that tomorrow is another day. I'll register the car, I'll call so-and-so, and I won't yell at the kids. I'll try not to yell at the kids. I'll try not to yell at the kids too much.

I'll give myself a clean slate every morning and try to give myself a break. It's the best I can offer myself.

~Eileen Cassidy Bishop